Hope Deferred

Journal entry - April 11th, 2008

Proverbs 13:12
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

Lord, my heart is sick. In this season of hope deferred I am unable to feel whole. Somehow even my arms feel empty. Every month I grieve. I grieve the loss of hope. I grieve for my empty arms and ailing heart. I pray that in this season of hope deferred you will grant me wisdom and faith. Use this time to teach me how to be a good, healthy, godly mother. Teach me how to love my husband more. Teach me to look more like you. I pray that at the end of this, and Lord, I am desperate for the end of this, I will be better prepared for the next season - the tree of life season. Forgive me for self pity and pride and anger. Grow in me selflessness, humility, and patience. I NEED YOU!